In-law relationships can be a source of joy or, at times, deep frustration. When a son- or daughter-in-law acts in ways that feel hurtful or malicious, it’s easy to react with anger or despair. This blog explores how to identify harmful in-law behaviors, why they occur, and actionable steps to address them without resorting to curses or conflict. Whether you’re struggling with a son- or daughter-in-law who mistreats your child or distances them from family, these insights will guide you toward peace and restoration. Let’s demystify the in-law nightmare and build a legacy of love.
Understanding “Wicked” In-Laws
“Wicked” behavior in in-laws can be defined as actions that harm your child’s marriage or family relationships. Before labeling an in-law as difficult, they urge parents to reflect: Did you approve of the marriage? If you opposed it or had prior issues with your child, your perception of their spouse’s behavior may be skewed. Ensure your heart is settled and you’ve accepted the marriage before addressing concerns.
Key signs of a “wicked” son- or daughter-in-law include:
- Mistreating Your Child: Treating their spouse (your child) as a “slave” or “nobody,” disrespecting or devaluing them.
- Alienating Family: Turning your child against their family by discouraging contact with parents or siblings, treating the family as irrelevant.
- Blocking Honor to Parents: Preventing your child from honoring their parents through calls, visits, gifts, or support.
- Selfish Control: Acting as if their spouse’s family no longer matters, demanding exclusive loyalty and disregarding familial bonds.
These behaviors are not just hurtful. They’re a form of spiritual and emotional sabotage. However, in-laws are still your “natural children” (as discussed here), and your response should align with God’s call to love and stewardship.
Why Do In-Laws Act This Way?
Understanding the root of difficult behavior helps parents respond wisely. Possible reasons include:
- Insecurity or Past Trauma: An in-law may feel threatened by your family’s closeness, leading to defensive or controlling actions.
- Lack of Understanding: Some in-laws don’t realize the importance of honoring their spouse’s family, viewing it as unnecessary.
- Cultural or Personal Differences: Differing values or upbringings may cause friction, especially if the in-law feels unaccepted.
- Spiritual Influences: Some behaviors stem from spiritual “bondage or affliction,” requiring prayer to break.
Importantly, even “wicked” in-laws are not beyond redemption. Their actions may be temporary or misguided, and your response can influence change.
How to Handle Difficult In-Laws
Rather than cursing or fighting a difficult in-law, you should:
- Pray Fervently: Prayer is the foundation. Praying to break any spiritual bondage affecting your in-law’s behavior. Prayer can soften hearts and open their eyes to reason (Romans 12:12). Prayer aligns your heart with God’s love, preventing bitterness.
- Talk to Your Child First: If your in-law’s behavior is harmful, gently discuss it with your child (their spouse). Avoid accusing their partner directly, as this may push them away. If both your child and their spouse resist, seek a trusted third party.
- Involve a Trusted Mediator: If dialogue fails, consult a pastor, counselor, or respected family member whom the couple trusts. This neutral party can offer perspective and encourage accountability.
- Engage Your Family: If the in-law’s actions escalate (e.g., isolating your child), involve your family to reinforce unity and support. Avoid confrontation, but show your child they’re not abandoned.
- Exercise Patience and Restraint: Avoid cursing or speaking negatively, as words have power (Proverbs 18:21). Cursing an in-law can harm your grandchildren and future generations. Instead, “stay in your corner” and trust God to work.
- Show Unconditional Love: Romans 12:21 instructs, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Continue loving your in-law, even if they act unkindly. Small acts, like sending a thoughtful gift or kind words, can soften hearts over time.
- Forgive Always: Even if your in-law doesn’t change, forgive them. Colossians 3:13 says, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Forgiveness frees you from bitterness and models Christlike love.
- Trust God’s Provision: If your in-law rejects you, remember they’re not your source; God is. Do not to treat in-laws as their “god” or let their actions cause distress like hypertension. God will raise others to support you (Psalm 55:22).
- Model Godly Behavior: Your actions set an example for your grandchildren and future in-laws. By showing love and restraint, you sow seeds for a transgenerational legacy of peace.
A Warning to In-Laws: Change Your Ways
Your actions have consequences. Galatians 6:7 warns, “Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” Mistreating your spouse or their family not only harms them but also your children and future generations. God will hold you accountable as a caretaker of your marriage and in-laws. Reflect: Would you want to be treated as you’re treating your in-laws? If not, repent and rebuild those relationships. Luke 6:38 promises that giving love yields a “good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over.”
Love Conquers All
Scripture calls us to love even those who hurt us. Matthew 5:44 says, “Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you.” By loving a difficult in-law, you fulfill God’s command and protect your family’s legacy. 1 Peter 4:8, “Love covers a multitude of sins,” urging parents to let love guide their response, not evil.
The story of Ruth and Naomi (from their prior video) contrasts here: Naomi’s love transformed Ruth’s life, while rejecting an in-law can destroy it, as seen in Linda’s news story of a daughter’s tragic end due to her husband’s isolation.
Transform Pain into a Legacy of Love
Handling a “wicked” son- or daughter-in-law is challenging, but with prayer, patience, and unconditional love, you can overcome evil with good. In-laws are God’s gift to your family, even when their actions hurt. By responding with grace, you protect your child’s marriage, your grandchildren’s future, and your own peace.
How will you handle a difficult in-law with love? Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments. For more transformative insights, watch the full video: How to Handle WICKED SONS/DAUGHTERS-IN-LAW. Subscribe to HSOM’s YouTube channel, like, and share to spread the message of marital literacy. If you feel led, support HSOM’s ministry through the contact details provided in the video.